What?Are you trying to kill him before the cancer does?

Just as an aside – Honey and I have both been married before. We both have children from our first marriages. T(6) lives with us exept 2nd, 4th and 5th weekends. G(9) and C(5) both live with their mom and her new husband except for 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends. This works out quite nicely as it means that Honey and I get two child-free weekends a month and the boys have more time together to establish a “sibling” bond.

Anyway, back in September, when flu shots for this year first became available T and I went to our doctors and got ours. I got the shot just because I am tough that way. I really wanted to be the nice mom and let T get the flu mist, but it turns out that the mist has live virus in the vaccine (this would bring flu into the house and put Honey at risk) so he also braved it out and got the shot.

Okay, this is where this gets good.

At the time T and I got vaccinated I informed Honey’s ex-wife(N) that because of Honey’s weakened immune system, the boys really needed to get vaccinated. Easy enough, right? You would think so – but you would be wrong.

Two weeks ago, G and C came to our place for our weekend together. I took advantage of Friday night to go out with some grownup friends – so I really wasn’t around the children that night.

On Saturday. Honey was exhausted and went upstairs to nap (unusual b/c he normally naps on the sofa so we are still together as a family). I made lunch for the kids and all of a sudden realized that I had been hearing a really croupy cough from C for about the past hour. (Never said I was quick on the draw.) I called his mom and asked if the boys had gotten their flu shots and her reply was a passive yet oh-so-aggressive, “not yet.” My first thought was, “….the fuck, man, are you shitting me?” yet I bit my tongue and instead said, “I will be bring C home unless you want to pick him up.” N’s retort was, “Well, I took him to the doctor and he does’t have the flu.” Can you guess what my next thought was? My comment, however was a much kinder, “Honey is on chemo. He has a weakened immune system and when you two were still married he ended up in the hospital with atypical pneumonia when he was on chemo. Do you want to pick C up or shall I bring him home? I will not have illness in my house.”

I ended up bringing him back to his mom’s house and again informed N that the kids needed to be vaccinated. I told her that G really wanted to get the mist rather than the shot and if that was the route she wanted to go it would have to be during a window of opportunity that gave enough time for the virus to die off.

This was two weeks ago…. I picked the kids up for Thursday afternoon visit today and asked, “Did Mommy take you to get your flu mist?” I was so angry when the kids said they had not gotten it that I was at a loss for words (this almost never happens). So,there I was, left in the position of having to be the bitch who takes them to get a shot that is really gonna hurt a bit.

The only thing I could think was,”Are you trying to kill him before the cancer does, Bitch?” I have spent the last hour or so ruminating. I have come to the conclusion that she is the most passive-aggressive manipulative woman I have ever met and from now on I will take the bull by the horns (TX analogy) and do what needs to be done myself.

This was a lesson I needed to learn. Wish I had known how it was going to play out earlier – but I will certainly apply this knowledge to any future interactions I may have with her  that regard Honey’s well being.

I am still pissed by the way.


4 thoughts on “What?Are you trying to kill him before the cancer does?

  1. Heather says:

    Wow. I know she’s an ex, but I would think that an ex would still care.

    • nenn1146 says:

      Honey says her priorities are herself, her career, her children and then everything else. I would guess it is not intentional on her part- she just honestly doesn’t think of anyone or anything outside of her own small circle of interests.

  2. Jeffa says:

    This is one of those step-parenting lessons you simply have to learn by experience: If you REALLY want/need something done to/for/with your stepkids, you’re gonna have to do it yourself in order to guarantee that it gets done. After a while, if it was something important, I just stopped even bringing it up. Even if it was something she should have done, I just took care of it myself on visiting weekends. It cut so much stress out of my life, I even stopped being pissed about it after a few years.

  3. nenn1146 says:

    Better I learn it now than later. Who wouldn’t rather get their kids the noninvasive vaccine rather than the alternative? (rhetorical ‘cuz there my answer is right there).

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