So I’m A Snarky-Self-Involved Bitch. And…?

Honey had a very low energy day (his red blood cell count is down). We really didn’t leave home (or the living room) today.

Honey’s lower back has gone out again. This happened before; right after he got over the hiccups. We should have expected it but didn’t make the connection.

Anyway, Honey was on his way upstairs to our bedroom to sleep (woot). I was following right behind him so I could rub on his back for a while. By the first landing, he was slowing down. Three steps further and I could hear his laborious breathing, he looked as if the very act of carrying his own weight up the stairs was too much for his body to handle. By the time he made it to the upstairs landing it was clear that he was struggling. I didn’t make reference to it, however, because he was completely in the moment and I wanted to be with him right there, at that time rather than back there on the stairs. But boy did I feel like a bad person for getting irritated when he woke me to put the animals out. (FYI: I still feel entirely justified in my feelings regarding the chicken sandwich incident.)

He laid across the bed horizontally while I massaged and kneaded the small of his back. After a bit (probably not nearly long enough, I would never make it as a massage therapist), I draped myself over Honey’s back and settled in to talk with him before bed. I made a point of asking him to please wake me up when he is ready to get up and shower or if the animals need to go out.

It didn’t even occur to me that he was waking me because he couldn’t go downstairs to let the animals out himself. There I was bitchy and nagging at him when he “finally” came downstairs at 9:15 and he just took it. He didn’t say, “Be quiet, you shrew of a woman.” (He doesn’t talk like that…) He said nothing.

He’s pretty good about letting me figure things out on my own. It seems to be the only way I can learn things these days. I really do think that this was the journey we were meant to take with each other… I hope he is able to take away from it as much as know I will. My relationship with Honey has been spiritual since the first day I cornered him at Northwoods and told him he was going to be my painting partner. He truly is the Carl to my Ellie.

At any rate, while I was lying there, I was struck by the ironic, bleak, morose humor of the entire situation and had to laugh. Of course, Honey asked why I was laughing, of course I told him. His response? “Fourteen hours later and you are just getting it?” Me ” I know, my time is getting way better, huh?”

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