No, damnit, I am not pregnant…

I am just fucking fat.

But thanks so much for your blessings anyway, I think I shall take them and apply them elsewhere.

Now, just to be sure we are all on the same page, I will answer the most frequently asked questions:

1. Yes, I am sure.

2.  Because I am experiencing early onset menopause.

3. Yet again, yes, I am sure.

4. Because Honey and I saw a reproductive endocrinologist after my last miscarriage.

5. No, you cannot touch my belly and stop looming over me with your greedy hands reaching for my mid section

6. 130 lbs, I am not too concerned about the number of the scale. My issue is how my clothing fits and looks

7. from size 0/1 Juniors to size 8 woman’s in a blink of an eye

8. 36-29-40 ( Kim Kardasian, eat your heart out)

9. Yeah, thanks. I KNOW that crunches would likely go a long way towards getting rid of the pooch. I think I’ll walk thanks.

10. Yes, I am happy with this new body.  It feels like a good and strong vessel in which to house myself for this journey

11. I also quit smoking about 4 months ago – that may contribute to increased appetite and perhaps to weight gain.

12.The worst part is thinking of all the costumes I have amassed over the years that I can no longer wear.

13. Thinking about NEW costumes makes me very happy though…

14. Yeah, no. I really do blame cancer

So, that’s where I stand on this topic as of now. I would like to leave you with one more little pearl of advice regarding this sensitive subject… If you ever are not totally sure if someone you haven’t seen in a while is pregnant or just getting fat, ask them what’s new in their world before you do or say anything else. If they don’t tell you about a pregnancy, trust me, there isn’t one. No matter how much you want to ask, you must resist the urge. Wait til you can talk with/email/text another friend in your grapevine to find out. And for God’s sake, do not tweet the query. Please.

Love you (and cupcakes)

~ Me

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4 thoughts on “No, damnit, I am not pregnant…

  1. geekyg1rl says:

    LOL! You’re awesome, Jen. Glad you cleared that up for all of us. I’m happy for you that you are now carrying a bit of weight because honestly I was worried that all the stress in your life would actually cause you to lose more and you were having so much trouble keeping it on. So many of us strive to lose weight that we forget how difficult and dangerous it is for those few who have the opposit problem. I remember how you were drinking calorie rich smoothies just so that you wouldn ‘t waste away to nothing. Here’s to good health!

  2. geekyg1rl says:

    (ps. I wish I was back down to 130)

  3. nenn1146 says:

    Thanks, GeekyG1rl, for your continued support.

    Chris-with-the-long-long-hair (thus named when T was a toddler) and I compare our respective progress on maintaining our weights. Right now we both seem to be in a good place…

    (I had to switch from the 1000cal Hulk to the weight conscious Raspberry Collider at Smoothie King – sad…)

  4. nenn1146 says:

    That Strawberry Hulk was pretty tasty too. Bummer.

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