The Long and Winding Road (part 1)

It has been almost two weeks since I have last logged in. There’s a reason for that. It has been quite a long couple of weeks.

The last time I checked in with you, we were waiting to get the results of Honey’s most recent MRI from DrC at MDA. Now? We are in the St.Luke’s ER waiting to be transferred over to ICU (again). I am guessing that you probably have figured out that the reading from his MRI wasn’t good. If it had been, you certainly would have been informed prior to now(and we likely wouldn’t be back in the ER so soon).

Honey’s November 22 MRI looked really good. There was just the littlest bit of lesion showing along the motor cortex. Not a big deal all things considered. His December 6 MRI however, told a very different story. It appeared as if Blob had poofed a mushroom cloud all around the cavity left from surgery. It also had started to migrate from the right hemisphere to the left. Honey had been using a walker when he was initially dismissed from MDA. By Weds, Dec 5th, he was in a wheelchair full-time. Blob started out such an underachiever – I never expected him to be able to change so much so quickly…

DrC told us (after I asked) that Honey probably has about three months left with us. He suggested that I get into contact with Hospice and told Honey that if he were his brother, he would tell him to go home and get comfortable.

Well.

No matter how much you prepare, it is still a shock to hear such news.

So, we cried. A lot. We talked. We cried again. We called folk who needed to hear what was going on from us personally. We cried some more and we made arrangements for loved ones to come visit us now, while Honey could enjoy the company – rather than later… Hey, guess what? We cried even more after that. We also got some good laughing in there – but I think that is mostly because we share a morbid gallows sense of humor.

Our good friend from Portland (J) was here last week. I spoke to her the Wednesday before Honey’s appt and asked if she could come out – she arrived Sunday morning – just four days after I asked and not quite two full days after we received the word about Blob. She brought Hanukkah with her; dreidels, latkes, a menorah and candles. And Love – she brought an abundance of love.

For a while there, I thought she brought the miracle of Hanukkah 2012 with her as well. Honey’s physical condition kept improving; he seemed to get stronger (and more cocksure) by the hour. On Saturday night, when J left, Honey was able to get up from the couch with little or no help, he was confident with his walker and was even trying to get around without it if I wasn’t paying strict attention. Actually, we let him think he was sneaking these walker free transitions – I couldn’t bear to take them away from him. He needed to feel in control of something and there is so little else that he can take charge of…

Today, this afternoon and evening, he had a surprisingly quick change of status.  Within no time at all, he lost his ability to control his left side. His face drooped, he couldn’t grip his walker (or my hand), he would fall over to the side when sitting up, it was pretty scary. We thought we would wait til the morning to see how he was doing, but that didn’t happen either. At about midnight he started getting nauseous and that was that for me – I called 911 and relinquished my (lack of) control over the situation.

So, here we are. St. Luke’s The Woodlands; ICU room 260. Visiting hours are from 8AM – 6PM and then again from 8PM-10PM. There is some talk of transferring him to MDA downtown – but there are no beds available for him at this time. All things considered, it is easier to have him here because we are close to home, but MDA has a much better food service.

It almost works out to six of one/half a dozen of the other. Almost.

Love you (just that – I love you, please be aware.)